A note on CLARITY today…sometimes clarity of mind and attitude helps you make even difficult and harsh decisions.  I was reminded yesterday, at Thanksgiving Dinner, in fact, that dealing with Negative people takes patience, self-confidence, altruism and courage.  I LOVE the Holidays – I love the celebration, the connection with family and friends, the busy home making and value lessons.  And for the most part, people in my life are pretty positive.  What do I mean by positive?  They are affirming and respond well to affirmations from others. They do their best to respect the values of others and care enough to ask about them.  They cultivate joy rather than disdain.

I will speak at another time about different ways to deal with Negative People.  But, there unfortunately comes a time when all your best positive efforts to save or grow a relationship does not yield the results desired.  I ran into such a situation last night with a relative of ours.  After 14 years of trying my best to treat her with respect, gratitude and warmth, my husband and I are now clear that her animosity toward me is unreasonable, persistent and actually toxic.  And she is now using my children as pawns to express this. We have had to make the terrible decision to sever this relationship.

Don’t get me wrong…I still believe people can change…but they can change when THEY DESIRE to do so.  You cannot change someone else if they are content to stay where they are.  So, my hope is that there are no toxic people in YOUR life, and that even if a relationship is tense or challenging it has some redeeming quality for both of you that keeps you both trying and learning and growing.  But…as hard as it is, we do need to be honest with ourselves when we realize that a particular relationship has become actually TOXIC…meaning, the person revels in disrespecting your core values and rights as a person.

I believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person…even her…but she will have to discover that worth and dignity on her own now before we can be part of her life again.  It will take some courage to stick by our decision and keep her out of our sphere of influence…but it is so important.  Toxic people need to feel the natural consequences of being who they are…and staying next to them does nothing but reinforce their negativity.  We need to be vigilant in protecting and cultivating our own joy…sometimes that requires cutting away the fungus.

More joyful reflections soon…;)